"Worm Can"

James Carville, Rosie O'Donnell, Kelli Carpenter, John Kerry political cartoon.

According to Elliot McMillan, DeadBrain.com:

… a memo leaked to DeadBrain shows that the Kerry campaign has asked Rosie O'Donnell to keep her distance from the Massachusetts Senator. "We respectfully request that you make no public endorsement of Senator Kerry, and that you not appear at any fundraisers or campaign stops," said the note.

It is believed that the note is in response to O'Donnell's recent wedding to her long-time girlfriend Kelli Carpenter. The wedding was performed in San Francisco, amid swirling controversy over the legality of same sex marriages.

O'Donnell is allegedly incensed over the note. The obese celebrity was heard to rage, "As if I'd vote for that gaunt, Abe Lincoln wannabe, helmet-haired freak!" She had been leaning more toward Kerry's closest opposition, Senator John Edwards from North Carolina, before Edwards resigned from the nomination race. O'Donnell said of Edwards, "He's such a cutie-patootie." Edwards has asked that O'Donnell stay away from his campaign, his family, and his patootie.

Democratic front-runners are hesitant to embrace O'Donnell, fearing any endorsement by her will cost them critical votes in the South. "No one wants to open up that can of worms," said Democratic advisor James Carville. "That girl's ideas cause more controversy than Herrman Goering in the diamond district in New York."

Al Sharpton has even distanced himself from O'Donnell. "I don't even know what she did to get famous. Do any of you?" asked Sharpton. No one in the gathered crowd of supporters, onlookers and media had an answer.

Dennis Kucinich was more accepting of O'Donnell than the others. "When you're as far behind in the polls as I am, you'll take all the support you can get," said the tiny candidate. "I'm just upset that there are two less women to date."

If O'Donnell is seeking a candidate to support, the Kerry note suggested that she contact Ralph Nader